Letting go

I am the type of person that is terrible with goodbyes. I prefer to refuse participation, but that's not usually an option. It can come across as rude or callus. At the most, I try to keep it light not letting on how difficult it feels. Smiling, saying the expected "have a good night. It was great to see you."

Sometimes I feel odd, I want to get it over with, or even feel sick. 

After really hard goodbyes I can feel lost, alone, disconnected, and even panicked. It's hard for me to let go sometimes. I know it's irrational. It's not that i don't like to be alone, Its not that I can't manage on my own, -- it's the change, the distance, the letting go.